


where does my heart belong (you know it, right?)

by raleighocean



Series: An Original Horror Story [19]
Category: American Horror Story
Genre: 2017, Christmas Fluff, Emotional Growth, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:21:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26091802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raleighocean/pseuds/raleighocean
Summary: Sometimes Billie wished for Dara to know that she became all that she didn’t know she needed so bad, how much she loved every second of that realization. And that also meant that Billie had room not only for improvement, but to get a little bit extra along the way.
Relationships: Billie Dean Howard/Original Character(s)
Series: An Original Horror Story [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1305791





	where does my heart belong (you know it, right?)

**Author's Note:**

> this is placed after the second chapter of 'troubles of a learning heart', but it isn't necessary to read it before!

Billie’s laugh sounded muffled against Dara’s chest, coming out with a content sigh all along that made the younger woman to giggle ever so soft in response, fingers brushing back silky blonde hair.

“Please, tell me we didn’t do it just becau-”

“Of course not,” Billie pressed her lips in the tiny crook between Dara’s collarbones. “We did it because we wanted,” two kisses a bit lower, over the swell of her breasts. “Because you looked stunning in that dress; because all I wanted was to be by your side, as close as possible,” another kiss in Dara’s throat, along another content hum. “And because we know how to have sex without the rest knowing, which makes us the best team,” Billie moved slightly to the left, taking good care to give Dara a new mark in her favorite spot. “I didn’t need Josephine to push me to do something I was gonna do the same, lovely.”

“God, Billie Dean,” Dara laughed hoarsely at that, leaving a kiss in Billie’s temple before licking her lips and waiting for the big kiss Billie was going to give her. She didn’t sound upset, just not surprised. “Tell me at least we won some money.”

“How dare you miss Lynch, suggest we just didn’t? Do you think my sister actually convinced my brother-in-law to do something so unholy under my parents’ roof?” Dara shrugged a bit and Billie actually turned on the night lamp to look at her, cocky smirk swifting to one of curiosity. “Annie.”

“I mean, Steve showed up without tie to this year’s dinner,” Dara laced her hands together over Billie’s back, since the medium was really comfortable resting over her chest. “The next thing could be eating cauliflower or finding them having sex against the bathroom’s sink, who knows.”

It was then when realization hit Billie and, for a fraction of time, Dara could see her curiosity go away to be replaced with a kinda scared expression. Dara used her fingers again to brush back a lock of Billie’s hair behind her ear, as if they weren’t having a stupid conversation, and when she withdrew it Billie took it in hers, kissing her palm with somewhat devotion before going up enough to hover over her and kiss her slow on the lips.

Neither of them could help but moan ever so softly, going deeper with the kiss, Dara’s fingers pressing against Billie’s lower back and Billie biting her lower lip in response.

“You stay here, my queen,” Billie whispered, another well placed peck in Dara’s lips. “I’m going to get some towels to clean us up, okay?”

“Okay,” Dara barely nodded, closing her eyes and sinking in the mattress again, Billie’s warmth and weight gone. “Just please, don’t take your time, I still find unnerving that you have a Red Hot Chilli Peppers’ poster in your ceiling.”

“You have a Selena one in Sacramento,” reminded Billie, pulling up Dara’s basket shorts and then her shirt, dressing a bit in case she encountered someone in the corridor. “And I don’t think any of them are going to disappear any time soon.”

“It’s Diana’s and it’s inside the closet, not looking at us in airplane view,” Billie laughed at that and leant to give Dara a last kiss. “Parents’ and their effort to not let go of stuff.”

When Dara was finally left alone in bed, only covered by the quilt and one foot out of it, she only managed to curl into a ball and sink her face against Billie's pillow to take in the scent. It was comforting, even when both were having a rough time sleeping there, to do such a homey thing...and also get to share an actual bed when they were guests.

Opening one eye, she looked around the room as far as she could, and smiled softly to see that the decorations hadn't been changed for almost the last twenty years, even when Billie moved from her parents' house in Palos Verdes to her apartment in Pasadena when she was twenty-five. It was a bit weird in a good way, like, Dara felt safe there even with the ceiling poster and the terrifying pink of the walls.

Maybe it was because she didn't feel she was suffocating there.

"Sit up, baby," Billie's voice was the only thing that brought Dara back to Earth and she did as she was told while watching her partner dressed with her clothes - big on her - and holding a towel in her hands. "There we go, let me...yeah, that."

Aftercare was always a thing that they did together, helping each other to be faster so they could go back to where they were before, but that time Billie brushed her hands off and did everything on her own while leaving tiny kisses here and there. They didn't talk much, aside a punctual laugh, but Dara thought that having Billie being that...chivalrous and sweet was something she liked too much to let it not happen.

And when Billie took off her clothes again to get in bed by her side, skin to skin and making a gesture for her to cuddle in her arms...just absolutely blew her mind.

“I hate not being able to smoke whenever I want,” Billie sighed after pressing a kiss onto Dara’s forehead. “Withdrawal symptoms are a bitch.”

“Honey, you always have pseudo-withdrawal symptoms when you reduce from four to one even for a single visit,” Dara moved her head a bit to look at Billie.

“I know! It’s madness,” Dara got a brand new kiss, index curled under her chin. “But I can totally do it as long as I can kiss you.”

“Big sappy,” Dara followed the kiss, her own hand resting over Billie’s stomach and rubbing softly her thumb there. “What got you all dripping honey?”

“Christmas, that I finally have a long break from work after five years working my ass off, that Audrey is doing much better, maybe that my mother is going to bake my favourite pie for Christmas lunch tomorrow,” Billie’s fingers brushed Dara’s hair with care and she indulged in the moment, her voice softened. “Maybe that I have you here with me, the Red Hot Chilli Peppers watching over us like the Saints or something...I don’t know what it could be.”

Having Billie telling her all that made Dara to close her eyes and cuddle against her chest better, as if she wanted to not just indulge but to drown in the feeling and the situation. She loved,  _ absolutely  _ and  _ hopelessly  _ loved when Billie went softer than their usual. Was she loving? Of course Billie was loving, in her own weird way. She wasn’t one to dwell deeper in her feelings, but she still got it in her to make what she was feeling be known...most of the time.

Dara wanted to indulge in the little reminder that Billie was enjoying being together.

“I think it’s the pie, totally that,” she mumbled, pressing a kiss to Billie’s neck with love and moving her fingers over her sternum until she was playing to her favourite game: pressing her fingertips over Billie’s chest freckles. “I’ve never seen you more happy than when you eat any kind of sugary thing.”

“That’s why I’m always happy after eating you out?” Billie laughed and wrapped her arms better around Dara, who was coughing because it took her by surprise and her own saliva went down the wrong pipe. “But let me tell you, I don’t miss my mother’s bakeries. Not when I have such a Goddess baking pure ambrosia.”

“My throat hurts too much to actually fight you back,” Dara managed to croak that muffled against Billie’s chest, her voice more hoarse than before, trying to rest and calm her breathing with Billie trying to ease the pain of coughing so violently in a short span of time. “You give me too much credit for a few cookies.”

“A few cookies? What about my birthday’s carrot cake?” Billie helped Dara to sit up so she could drink from the glass of water they carried on purpose hours before. "Or that guayaba sugar rush bar you make every three first of the month? Do I have to bring the brownies to the conversation? You don't want me to bring the brownies up."

"I get it, I get it!" Dara grumbled, her hand going directly to Billie's face to bring her a bit lower and kiss her. That made them accommodate better side by side under the quilt, Billie still kissing her sweet girl when she managed to blindly turn off the night lamp. "One day, my butter cookies are gonna start a war somewhere if they are half good as you say then."

"Oh, now that you bring that up, they kind of did," Billie said while her left hand found its place brushing Dara's hair with care and caressing her cheek softly. "I forgot to tell you, I brought over some to the office the other day because, well, we wouldn't eat them all in two days as much as I wished to," then Billie's hand lowered until she let it rest in Dara's lower back, letting her index draw lightly her dimples there before just pulling her a bit closer. "And it gave us a better plot than 'Troya'."

Dara's curiosity skyrocketed with that, letting Billie talk to her heart content and tell her about how after everyone got over the shyness of taking a harmless cookie, her crew almost fought each other over them. Not only that, they also managed to pull together the make-up artist and Billie's camera man, blossoming love thanks to Benny's being a good guy and sharing the sweetery with Jean.

Billie was really relaxed if she was talking that much, Dara thought while she let out the seventh little variation of 'really?', and she herself as well since she didn't need to cut her story to ask or add something else - aside of her throat being a bitch and making her not want to restrain it more.

There, in the darkness of Billie's old room, they were existing as if any of their problems existed. No powers, no family acting weird, no fame; just the two of them sharing the peacefulness they usually only got at home, where they were always at peace.

"...so yeah, you basically became a Goddess unknowingly by baking some innocent cookies," Billie chuckled at that, her tell-tale coming to an end, as she leant to leave a tiny kiss on the tip of her nose. "How is your throat, doll?"

"Not very goddess-ly like, but we know how I get when nodules attack me, it's just a bit tiring," Dara smiled softly when Billie kissed her lips first and then hugged her better to leave tiny kisses in her neck. "Nothing I can't handle, but I'm getting sleepy."

"We can always go downstairs to get you some honey lemon tea," the tiny 'nu' mumbled against her chest, Dara hiding in her neck, made Billie smile worriedly at her. "Why not? It would help you to get sleepy faster as well as relieve your pain."

"I've been living all my life with nodules, it's not that terrible! And also, do you really want to mess with Santa's schedule, Bills? He's already turning a blind eye because we are adults and can legally stay up after eleven," Dara felt Billie's hand giving her tiny caresses as she was trying not to laugh loudly. "We're pushing the limit and I don't know about you, but I want my present to be there in the morning."

What did Billie do in her life to end up with someone like Dara?

She truly was considering ditching that response and go get some tea to calm her throat, but hearing Dara so adamant about something like that...Billie only sighed and took the glass of water again, handing it to Dara so she could at least have a few more sips to help.

"But I already have my present here, he won't mind me wandering around the kitchen at the wee hours, even less since I’m doing some good," Billie oversaw the way Dara pouted, making her use her index to push her cheek a bit out of habit. “Okay, we stay, we stay…but if it gets worse, you tell me right away.”

“You’ll be the first one, sugar, always,” Dara smiled and kissed Billie, meaning those few words and just enjoying the soft brush of their noses. “I know that we don’t actually think of visiting our parents as...vacation, so where would you want to go? Like...actually none know us, no family around.”

“Good question…” it’s easy to mold their bodies together, legs entangling out of habit and arms draped over the waist. “I want to take you to the beach. Spend the morning there, go back to eat, maybe a nap, go back to the beach until we have to go because it’s getting dark, dinner and talk. Rinse and repeat for a week.”

“I thought you were gonna say Italy or wherever fancy,” Dara mumbled sleepily, her hand finding Billie’s to bring it under the pillow and cuddle it just like that. “You’ve been watching tons of travel programs lately.”

“I do want to take you overseas one day, yes, but first and foremost I want us to have a week of absolutely doing nothing at the beach,” Billie felt her heart swell with love, the one she felt so deeply for Dara, upon imagining that. “Remember when you accompanied me to that mansion in Yosemite? The one with the old lady who swore to me she could see her daughter?” Dara hummed in response, two thousand and twelve a bit foggy in her head thanks to her current state but still there. “We literally spent three days out of five doing nothing. Nothing but drink, nap, play your old Uno and walk around the forest...and I want that feeling back.”

“Tell me then when to pack and off we go, I’m not kidding,” Dara felt ready even half asleep, willing to throw herself under a bus if Billie wanted. “I’ll call Mavis once we are at home, do extra hours or something.”

Billie felt her heart squeeze, because the commitment Dara had with her was still up high even in a moment so unique like that one. She really thanked having the light turned off, because if not Dara would probably see how her eyes got all teary. The sweet static all over her skin made the feeling more wholesome and less...sad, as to speak, because Billie sometimes got desperate for showing her girl something like that and truly making her feel it.

“When I’m done with the new contract to film on the Hotel Cortez then,” Billie promised that with something else growing in her chest, side by side to all that love that was filling it right now. “We go straight away after that.”

“We can’t go exactly straight away,” Dara chuckled in another mumble, Billie hearing how her breathing was settling more and more but also the innuendo, which gained her a few playful pats in her butt. “But okay...still don’t like you’re going back.”

“Work is work, sweetheart,” something in the back of her head was recriminating Billie that it wasn’t actually the truth, however she shut it down. 

“Work can go to Hell as far as I care,” there was a tint of harshness in Dara’s voice that got sweetened the next second. “If that means you come back to me, home, safe and sound...”

The raw sincerity jolted Billie as if she touched a socket with her hands wet and barefoot, and it left her in silence with a Dara that managed to hide her face in the crook of her neck, sleep taking her once and for all. It was hard to leave her speechless but many of those times were always thanks to the woman that was sleeping soundly in her arms now.

She was sure none could do that like Dara.

Billie always had this feeling of not knowing where she truly belonged, she thought while trying to calm her whole being to fall asleep as well. Not even when she was young felt like she was comfortable enough or could drop her defences to rest. But since she met the younger woman, that started to change little by little in a way that Billie barely noticed until she was too into it. Almost three years had passed since the day she realized what she truly wanted, what her  _ heart  _ wanted…

...and that was to stay by Dara’s side.

“I love you, you know that right?”

Unheard but she said it, she managed to say it and she felt selfish but at the same time she felt on top of the world. Dara, asleep, moved and rolled to let her back face Billie and she took advantage of that to cuddle her from behind, kissing the back of her head.

“Of course you know, if not you would have escaped from me long ago.”

…

The next morning, Billie woke up alone in bed but she didn’t feel lonely. Dara was missing from her rightful side of the bed and, still trying to rub the sleep from her eyes, Billie managed to get in Dara’s pajamas before going off to find her. It was funny to see Billie in baggy clothes, being out of place with her parents’ house by miles, but she navigated through corridors with expert feet and yawning big.

She found Josephine in her expedition, getting not only a drained look but also a few bills because apparently she won the bet - Jo crowning her as the winner after she clearly saw a hickey peeking from the t-shirt collar. Billie was too content and sleepy to throw a new jab, so she only kissed Jo’s temple with some kind of weird sisterly Christmas love and locked arms with her, deciding that probably was the best for both to make their way to the kitchen.

And when they crossed the door, Billie felt herself floating in cloud nine. Not only because of the smell of coffee, but because of the view she was welcomed with. 

Dara was there talking with her mother in a respectful tone while Lucille gave her instructions, the contrast between both being way too big, over a big bowl. Billie’s father, Edward, was watching them from time to time while reading his book with a soft smile hiding under his moustache. It wasn’t something out of place, it was natural and it made Billie feel like woo because three of her most favourite people on this planet were enjoying, as far as she could see, being just there together.

“Dee, you never told me she was this good at baking,” Lucille said, barely fixing her eyes - same brown hue as her daughters - in them. 

“Well, I told you a few times she was full of surprises, mother,” Billie made her way first to kiss her father’s cheek and steal a sip from his coffee. “Where are the kids, by the way? Did I miss presents’ time?”

She couldn’t help her smile go bigger when Dara rolled her eyes and looked down to the bowl, hiding that way her embarrassment for being in the spotlight of mother-daughter’s conversation. It didn’t stop her either from walking behind her girl and murmuring a soft ‘merry Christmas, doll’ after leaving a kiss on her nape and wrapping her arms around Dara’s middle, resting her chin on her shoulder and just staying like that.

“No, you didn’t miss it. Tanya and George are still asleep,” Edward said while Josephine served two big cups of coffee for her sister and her. “So we’re enjoying the bliss before the chaos.” Even Lucille laughed softly to her husband’s cheerful tone. “Any idea of what you are getting this year, Bibs?”

“I’m hoping for a few history books or a new phone, mine got totally trashed at work,” Billie responded while trying to stick her finger in the chocolate batter, unsuccessfully because her mother noticed but getting some the same because Dara did it for her, giving her own finger for Billie to lick quickly. “And you, dad?”

But all Billie could think about was that she already had her gift between her arms, she really wasn’t joking last night. She didn’t care about anything else this Christmas but having a good time and being able to spend it all with Dara and her family. For her, that moment in the kitchen was more than enough already as well. 

She still felt happy the same when hours later she unwrapped all her new history books, the new phone and a handcrafted checkbook - which she was going to put to an use as soon as they were home -, all from Dara; plus some few other things from her parents.

However she felt the happiest when she finally handed the brand new set of car keys to her love, Dara’s eyes a chaotic mix of panic, happiness, shock and surprise. She laughed loudly when Josephine seemed about to pop up a vein upon seeing the car and her brother-in-law, Steve, high-fived her in a strange sudden burst of confidence. 

Who would have told her that having your anniversary on Christmas’ Eve was going to be such fun?

Oops, maybe she forgot to add that last night to all the reasons she was dripping honey like crazy.


End file.
